Ramblings of a Semi-Crunchy Mama

Ava turned 17 months old on the 26th, and I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the truth that she is growing up and getting older. I won't deny that I enjoy this stage of childhood when little eyes glow at the sight of something new and little feet chase after anything with excitement and purpose, however I miss the coziness of a round, smooth body curled up on my chest and the sight of a milk coma that lasts three hours. The smell of her breath is something I will always take with me, and something I steal a piece of whenever I can. These tender memories of early motherhood are so precious to me. I try often to remember how she looked during those first few weeks, still so new and babyish. I think back to our daily life together - eating, sleeping, staring at the beautiful child that had been created out of love and purpose. Holding, rocking, gazing at her face with the perfect little O shaped mouth.

Ava is 17 months old now, and while she is becoming a typical toddler seeking her independence, she is still a very attached little girl. Holding and rocking and gazing are still every day activities as each day after lunch a tired little princess lays her head on my shoulder, calls out passionately "Elmo? Elmo!" awaiting her beloved snuggly Elmo, and hangs onto mama as we walk to her room and sit in the infamous chair. She snuggles her Elmo under her right arm and nestles her head in my right arm, each leg dangling on either side of my hips. She may whisper a few words or ask me to kiss Elmo a thousand times before her tired eyes give way, but when she does surrender to sleep I'm taken back to those early days again when the world stopped to gaze at her beauty. I study her face - still the same, yet different and I lean in closely to kiss her O shaped mouth and smell her breath. It feels as though our hearts beat the same beat during this quiet time of day, and I feel closer to her than at any other moment.

I know one day Ava will no longer need to "wock" in our special chair every afternoon. One day she will be big and say no to mama's request. My heart will break slightly as I face that reality, but I will always have these memories in my heart. I would not trade anything for holding, rocking, gazing. These are the moments motherhood is made of. I am thankful for now the cycle continues: hold, rock, repeat.

Ok, so I've decided to start my own blog yet once again. The first blog didn't make it so long - maybe one entry, but I'm turning over a new leaf and I'm going to do it. Not that I really have anything overly important to say, any wise proverbs to share, or poetice verses to pen, but I do have the ramblings of a semi-crunchy mama whirling about in my brain, and for better or worse, I've decided to share.

What is a semi-crunchy mama you might ask? I guess that should be the first thing I attempt to explain. A semi-crunchy mama goes something like this:

• Believes completely in uninhindered natural childbirth (though the thought of meconium aspiration syndrome at a homebirth stills scares the s*** out of me)
• Adores attachment parenting in all forms (minus the co-sleeping of wiggling, writhing toddler bodies)
• Supports extended breastfeeding (although my ever deflating breasts make me wanna run to the first plastic surgeon I see for some saline)
• Identifies the value of good nutrition and attempts to purchase all organic foods (while secretly eating lays ruffle chips and helluva good dip)
• Denies routine infant vaccinations for the misguided proof that they are safe (however immediately vaccinates daughter with DTaP vaccine after she fell and sliced open her lip)

Aside from the comedic attempt, I am a huge believer in physiological/out of hospital childbirth, attachment parenting, extended breastfeeding, organic nutrition, and selectively vaccinating. These ideals do not define me as a person, but rather shape the person I am and want to be. Above all professions in my life, the most important thing to me is being a loving, supporting wife and a caring, compassionate mother. Everything else falls under this umbrella of family.

I am confidant that at the end of the day, no matter what life has delivered on my doorstep, I am surrounded by people who love and applaud me for who I am. I do not have to be a supermom or a stepford wife, I just get to be me - a semi-crunchy mama who loves her life and her family and all that is good and pure in this world. That is by far, the best feeling anyone could ask for.