Ramblings of a Semi-Crunchy Mama

Ava will be two and a half on June 26th and for the first 880 days of Ava's life, naps and bedtime were always preceded with a rock in the rocking chair. I remember those first few weeks of Ava's life when all I did was hold, nurse and rock my sweet little angel. There was nothing more fulfilling than feeling the weight of her body nustled up on my chest and hearing her gentle deep sighs of comfort and contentment.

As Ava grew, her body began to occupy a little more space on my chest but with each sleepy time moment, Ava knew her place of rest was on mommy's lap. Months turned into a year and rocking our little one was just part of the routine. Many people thought I wasn't parenting the "right" way by rocking our daughter to sleep every night, preventing her from being "independant". I've never seen an independant 1 year old, and I really don't think 1 year old's need independance. What they do need, is constant love and the reminder of safety and security in their everyday lives. This is what builds real independance when the time is right. I am greatful for those in my life who encouraged our behavior of lovingly rocking our sweetie to sleep and for honoring our desire to do what we felt as parents was best for our child.

Two years old and still rocking, still crawling up in our laps for bedtime stories about Goldilocks and the Three Bears, and for our evening rendition of The Wheels on the Bus, which happened to include every member of our family! Two years old and still rocking! I began to wonder, will this child ever sleep on her own? Have we in reality created a dependant child who needs us to sleep? And then, about 3 weeks ago, Ava decided she was ready. At nap time one day Ava told me she didn't want to rock, but that she wanted to lay in her own bed. At first I thought to myself, yeah right, this is really going to work. I was very pessimistic about the success of her napping on her own. Three days later, Ava was taking naps on her own, in her bed without her mommy rocking her to sleep!

I am ecstatic, and thrilled, and amazed, and proud. My two and a half year old is napping on her own. I can see the independance of a securely attached toddler beginning to blossom and it is so beautiful. I can see the fruits of our labor intensive attachment parenting at work as she begins to feel at ease in transitioning to going to sleep on her own. Ava was never forced to sleep on her own, left alone to "cry it out". Ava discovered that she could sleep on her own without mommy and daddy because she knew that we would be there in case she couldn't. That is true independance - breaking away with trust and confidence, knowing that it's okay to fall because someone will be there to catch you.

My baby is growing up. And while I'm so very proud of her and this major accomplishment, I do peer in her doorway with a hinge of sadness at my sleeping angel. I realize that as she no longer needs me to fulfill her need for bedtime routines, that soon she will no longer need me to dress her each morning, to change her diaper, to brush her teeth, to help her put her shoes on the right feet. And while her growth in character and maturity excites me, it also makes me want to hold on a little tighter. This may be one of the hardest things about parenting - learning that it is alright to let go, to loosen the grasp.

And so I am left with a full heart, full of pride for Ava and her growing independance and full of love for my baby girl blossoming into toddlerhood.

Almost a year has passed since my last rambling, a year of changing and growing, a year of expanding.

We moved from Georgia to Ohio in July 2008. I started a new job as a contingent NICU nurse in a level 2 and level 3 NICU. Billy started his first year of graduate school - and will be finished with it June 11th. Ava reached toddlerhood and discovered that like all of us, she has opinions too! My darling baby Wyatt was born on March 22nd and has fallen right in step with our busy, beautiful family. Our lives have changed in so many ways throughout this crazy adventure and I am not quite sure at times how we survived this last year on so many levels! But, we did, praise God, and by his grace I know we will go on to survive this next year as well.

So, I guess this is my intro back into the world of blogging, which I hope to partake in at least once a week! Now I only have to figure out where to begin!!