Ramblings of a Semi-Crunchy Mama

There's something about being out in the country that seems to settle my soul. I don't know if it's the green hills rolling to the horizon, the lazy cows grazing happily in the fields, or just the slower pace of everyday life that seems to hang suspended in the wind. There is something here that makes me want to be a better person. To spend less and save more. To speak less and listen more. To worry less and love more.

I am amazed by the tug and pull nature can have on one's heart. Alone in the freedom of nature it is easy to forget daily tasks that pile up like mountains. It's easy to let go of rights that have been wronged. Easy to find a place of harmony and grace. Time slows and things that are truly important - family, faith, love seem to rise to precedence over money, pride and power.

Life is simpler.

For your entertainment: Children running barefoot through fresh cut grass. Birds singing songs of praise. Flowers reaching high towards the sun. Cows bellowing. Horses whineying. Dogs barking. Kids laughing. Filling your senses with love and hope that this life we live and the world we live in is not yet lost.

I am made for this life. A life that lives the truth of the fact that what we take with us is nothing we can buy or save for. A life that purposes to see beyond the 9 to 5, to move beyond the status quo.

Goodness abounds. Love overflows. My cup runneth over.

I am drained tonight and having one of those dreary kind of moments. My parents came to visit this weekend which was wonderful, but the visit was too short and their departure tonight was harder on me than usual. I miss my parents being part of our everyday lives. I miss that they can't stop by after dinner for a cup of coffee or that I can't meet my mom for lunch at our favorite little spot. I miss that they miss out on seeing the new things the kids are doing until well after they've accomplished them. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful that my parents are close enough to visit as often as they do but tonight it just really hit me that they are far enough away to be away. Too far for daily or weekly enjoyment.

And then there's Ava who really pushed me to the limits today. I am at a really difficult place in disciplining this child and I find myself second guessing almost every aspect of my parenting. I feel guilty for spanking her even when I feel a spanking is merrited and I feel worn out from constantly trying to be calm and in control of myself when she deliberately disobeys or back talks. Everyday I find myself praying that God will help me become a better mother, and every day I feel I fall shorter and shorter.

And as the tears were already rolling I began to find more things to sob about - like the lack of a present female friend who shares the same obstacles as I do with the same desires to raise their children different from the world. I have no female companion whom I can honeslty share my struggles with, validate my feelings with or gleam encouragement from and all of a sudden I realized how much I truly desire that. A best friend. Some one aside from my husband who I can lean on, talk to, laugh with, cry with and enjoy. I love my husband dearly but as a mother I want another mother I can connect with.

So, that is where I am tonight. Hoping tomorrow will be a sunnier day.

Monday is Billy's late night of the week. He leaves by seven and doesn't return home until after nine, which makes for a very long day for both of us, especially when I work a Sunday night which I have done the last two weeks. I get off work at 7:30 and get home by 8, which means by the time he gets home Monday night I have not laid eyes on him for over 24 hours. Yeah, it stinks.

Well since we live in the arcitc circle also known as Ohio, we have been pounded by winter storms the last 2 weeks leaving a large quantity of snow on the ground and more beautiful snow started falling today. We are estimated at getting up to 8 more inches before this storm is over.

EIGHT. MORE. INCHES.

Enough said. Our awesome childcare provider is a 17 year old homeschooler we met at our church. She is wonderful and the kiddos adore her. The only problem with our current situation is the fact that she is, well, 17 and when the roads are snowy or icey her parents won't allow her to drive the distance to our house. Understandable. So at noon today she woke me up with the sad news that I would have to peel back my eyelids and stumble down stairs to watch my own kids. The blizzard had started and she was leaving to go home.

GRRRREAT.

So after working 12 hours and getting 3 1/2 hours of sleep I trapsed myself downstairs to the rugrats. Thankfully our sitter had them at the table eating lunch so no effort was required of me on that one. Naps came a little earlier than normal but the day carried on as usual. And I even managed to make a real dinner - something I usually don't do on Monday nights when it's just me and the kids. Bill came home to a mountain of snow in the driveway which he is currently shoveling in spite of his extreme exhaustion and while Ava should be nestled in her bed, she is acting silly nilly on the floor with her best bud Brownie.

Mondays are hard around here, but the good thing about Monday is that its followed by Tuesday - a new day after a nice night of sleep. Ahhh. Sleep.

It has been snowing here in the great state of Ohio for about a week now and as I look out my window at over a foot of snow while huge crystalline flakes relentlessly fall from the sky I wonder if this is ever going to end! Don't get me wrong, I do love the snow and watching it fall from the comfort and warmth of my own home, however when everyday occurances are hindered by it, it becomes a slight nuisance. Ava and her daddy enjoyed some time out in snow yesterday evening building snowmen and throwing snowballs. I have so many wonderful memories of my dad and me building snowmen, sled riding and cover your eyes mom - sliding on the ice in his station wagon around the neighborhood. I am thankful that Ava and Bill are forming a strong foundation of memories for her to pull from one day. The Winter can be fun, but I am SO ready for Spring!



And Spring will come bringing with it greeness and new life. Spring will come reminding us all that time continues to move on, whether or not we are ready. With death comes new life, with darkness comes the light. God is good to move us from one season to the next - both in the world we live in and in our own private lives. One of my favorite songs by Nicole Nordeman is "Every Season". Enjoy this video and take heart in knowing that whatever season you are in - a new one is coming.